Times of Need
by CloudXStrife
Summary: He handles everything alone. He felt compelled to keep it to himself. But when faced with a obstacle that is too difficult to face alone, can he forgive the ones who hurt him in his Time of Need?
1. Intro

**Disclaimer-I own nothing at all.**

**A/N- Considering how much everyone liked my last story I wanted to make another story. This one is a short chapter fic. So please read and review. **

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**Intro**

Ryan always had a way of telling if two people were together or not. Despite if the couple try being discrete or if they just outright made out with each other. Actually anyone could tell if two people were mates, you just needed to be observant. Ryan Wolfe, of course was very observant he wasn't a CSI just for his good looks. He paid attention to every little detail that he acquired from years of training but, it went beyond the details of how to catch a murderer.

That was how I figured out that Calleigh and Delko were more than just colleagues. The unnecessary touches every time they were in the lab, the secret smiles they sent each other's way when they thought no one was looking, and how they stood unusually close to each other as Horatio handed out assignments told me that something happened between the two. If that wasn't enough to convince me catching them kissing in the locker room way after our shifts ended was more than enough to convince me. My eyes narrowed just thinking about it.

I figured out the Delko/Duquesne case four months ago. I also figured out my feelings for a certain blonde around the same time. Obviously I haven't told her about my feelings. Just like I haven't told anyone Calleigh and Eric included what's been going on between our two veteran CSIs.

A honk from behind startled me out of my thoughts and I stepped on the gas making it pass the busy intersection. Sighing as I approach another traffic jam I lean my head against the cool window, staring out over the city. I was on the job alone once again. That's been happening a lot lately to me. MDPD was a little short-handed because of Tripp's departure thus making Natalia Horatio's temporary sidekick. My usual partner: Calleigh opted to go with Eric to pick up federal files and documents even though she was partnered up with me today. I don't mean to be whiny and needy but seriously who needs two CSIs to go pick up files? Obviously they just needed some alone time.

I continued throughout the day finally arriving back at HQ breathing out a slow, relaxing breath I take the keys out of the ignition as the hummer slowly hummed out of life. Opening the door I wince in pain as I turned my body towards the door. I slowly lift up my dress shirt inspecting my ribs. Yup, still bruised, and bantered as the first day I got them. Letting my shirt fall back around my waist I thought back to how I got these horrific injuries.

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_Cursing as I heard my tire made a audio pop I slow down to the side of the road, getting out I made my way to the front right tire noticing a slash I look at it confused. Hearing footsteps behind me I look up to see a masked man._

_He was the last thing I saw before everything tilted to one side and went pitch black._

_I woke up a bloody mess. My head throbbing as if I had just woke up with a huge hangover and someone was smashing a baseball bat into my skull. My nose was profusely bleeding and I was sure that it was broken. I could barely talk; my jaw felt like it was hanging off to the side just waiting to fall off, blood dripping from my chin down onto the cold cement floor._

_As I tried to move my hands to wipe away the blood I was drowning in I found that I was completely tied up. Struggling I try to loosen the duct tape, it only result in me finding out that not only was my head was sore as hell but that everything I moved felt like it was on fire._

"_That is no use Mr. Wolfe." I look up to see the same masked man who kidnapped me was now circling me. _

_I look around a little more trying to comprehend where I was and what these people wanted with me. The building looked ragged and beaten almost in the same condition I was in. There were a few windows that looked like it had been spray painted over. I could hear faint water dripping and echoing throughout the warehouse._

"_Mr. Wolfe" my attention was focused back on the man. He seemed to have an accent of sorts. Russian perhaps? I looked at him through red, probably from the blood dripping all around my face and into my eyes. "We are in need of your assistance." He continued._

_I snorted; feeling some of the blood go back into my nose. "I don't think so." I managed to say inwardly cringing at the pain that ripped through my chest with each word spoken._

_To my surprise the man stopped in front me, smirked, and walked towards me getting in my face he replied "I think you'll have to reconsider." And a wave of pain hit me as I gasped for air. Wave after wave came at me as his fist connected again and again. I could not even get a breath in between punches._

_He stopped, breathing heavily. "So, Mr. Wolfe do I have your cooperation?" he questioned me._

_I stopped for a minute taking in deep slow breaths each ripping at my chest and spitting out fresh blood out of my battered mouth. I looked up and did my best to give a smirk and screamed at the top of my lungs (which was not a good idea) "Go to hell!" He gave me another right fist to the face, tipped my chair over and ripped out a tooth._

_After several brutal more hours of continued beating and a threat for my life that I ignored. He found my weakness. Billy. That was that I had to help them. I would have not cared if they had taken my life I could not betray my team again, but for someone to die for my mistakes and when I could have prevented it...well; I might as well die as well._

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The feeling of a sticky liquid running down the side of my arm pulled me from my day-mare. Groaning and ripping the buttons of my shirt off I quickly grab a handful of tissues, peel off the wrapped bandaged around my arm, and put the tissues to good use. Realizing that the flow of blood was not going to slow down anytime soon, I bunched up the remaining tissues against the reopened wound and buttoned up the now semi bloody shirt. Hastily I made my way into the locker room grateful that everyone was already heading home. Opening up the lock, I pulled out the first-aid kit which had now become a permanent accessory in my locker. Sitting on a nearby bench and stripping off my shirt I hold a disinfectant towel against the open wound letting my mind wander. It had been a week since the ordeal but still the bruises, cut, and wounds remain. No one noticed though, no one noticed the sickly looking purple blotches that made homes for themselves on my body, or how I tried to keep from falling right over when I moved around the lab. For that I was surprisingly glad that I could do what I was asked without suspicious. Of course you can't keep anything a secret from the great Horatio Caine. But the rest of them had absolutely no idea and when they found out that I was keeping evidence from them...well I knew they wouldn't have care why I did what I did so I didn't bother trying to explain myself. Well, that wasn't exactly true; Calleigh gave me every opportunity to explain whatever was going on but I just...couldn't at least not like before. Before I would've told her anything but we drifted apart to the point of her leaving me to do everything with Delko and I could not trust her completely. I was dealing with everything alone. The pain both physical and mentally, the nightly nightmares, everything was dealt by me and me alone.

"Eric, you in here?" Calleigh's voice invaded my little daydream, snapping me back into reality. Still shirtless I scramble around for the violet dress shirt dropping the now red towel to the floor. She rounded the corner into the alley of lockers, blushing and looking away as she saw me topless.

"Oh Ryan I'm sorry I was just looking for-"

"Delko's not here." I harshly interrupted her. I didn't mean for it to be said in that tone but it's been happening lately when I was around her or Delko. I go back to looking for that damn shirt. _Where the hell is-_

"Um are you looking for this?" She held up the slightly bloody shirt though it didn't look like she noticed. With her back still facing me I walk toward the article of clothing reaching out I fumbled with it and dropped it. I started reaching for it but a hand picked it up for me. I straighten up as Calleigh turned around to face me her eyes widen and shock was evident in her beautiful green eyes as she did. I briskly snatch piece of clothing out of her hand, turn around...a little too quickly and another sharp pain ripped through my ribs I clutched them for dear life hoping she didn't hear the sharp intake of breath I took.

She did. "Ryan, are you okay?" she asked concerned. She reached forward gently laying a hand on my bare, worn out shoulder sending electric shocks throughout my body.

I pulled away from her immediately, hastily stepping to the other side of the lockers. I quickly pull the top on not bothering to do up the buttons. I turned away facing the concrete wall in hopes of concealing the injuries.

But this was Calleigh Duquesne a super-sharp CSI. She had to notice the blood running down my arm, the cuts that littered my chest, the deep purple blotches that accompanied my back, and the bloodied towel that laid by her feet.

I could hear her heels clicking along the floor obviously walking towards me. I squeeze my eyes shut the last thing I needed was pity from her. She came closer; gently pulling on my arm careful not to put too much pressure trying to get me to face her.

I reluctantly allow her to pull me around. Without asking for my permission she slowly push the unbutton shirt off my shoulders gasping when she saw the injuries up close.

"W-Who did to you?" she asked, her eyes filled with worry. Gently placing her soft hands on my chest she ran them around the welt, cuts, and bruises.

"Calleigh, this doesn't concern you." I replied trying to pull away. But her firm grip on my hand and my weakened body kept me there.

"Ryan...please I just want to help you." She softly said. Her voice was trembling a little but I kept a strong expression. I got angered by this.

I rip my arm from her grimacing as sear pain went up my shoulder. "You basically ignore me for the last couple months and it takes me getting beaten within an inch of my life for you to start caring again?" my eyes narrowed into slit.

"What? Ryan, I haven't ignored you in the slightest." She furrowed her brows in confusion.

I bitterly laugh at this finding nothing funny in the slightest. "You got to be kidding me! You're saying you haven't gone out of your way just to spend more time with your boyfriend?"

Her emerald eyes grew large at this. "R-Ryan, what are you talking about?" she managed to stutter out, her face growing beet red.

I absolutely lost it then. She had the nerve to flat out deny that she hadn't treated me like shit. But to lie straight to my face? That was just...not her. "Cut the bullshit Calleigh," I said in a low voice surprising her and myself at the use of my profanity. "I know about you and Delko." I say suddenly out of breath.

There was no use for her to deny what was in front of her now. She had to face the music sometime. "F-For how long...how? She whispered obviously directing the question towards herself rather at him. He heard her anyways.

He studied her for a while trying to figure her out. "For too long and it wasn't too hard considering I seen the stares you've been giving each other, the touches, oh and not to mention the kissing you two do here every time you think people weren't here." My nostrils were flaring now, actually now that I thought about it my whole body felt like it was on fire.

"Y-you didn't tell anyone did you?" she nervously asked adverting her eyes to the floor scared of his answer. I stared at her incredulously. After all this she was still thinking about her relationship. Sighing I knew I was defeated.

"No...I didn't tell anyone." I replied in an eerily calm tone. I didn't need this now. I didn't need to feel even more beat down than I already did. What I needed was sleep because right now everything was spinning out of control. Literally.

I grabbed my shirt, putting it on I turn to see her still standing there absorbing everything that had just happen. I turn back to the forgotten first-aid kit and shove it in my locker resisting the urge to go put it away properly _Damn OCD_. I violently close the locker trying to keep upright as the floors seem to tilt from side to side. Then it stopped and it took me a couple moments to realize that I had stumbled back into a locker creating a thunderous clap. It felt as if I had a few too many to drink but that wasn't the case at all, something was wrong; seriously wrong. Calleigh came rushing out obviously trying to see what cause the noise. It was then that I realized that my head felt like it was splitting into two and that liquid was pouring down the side of my head. She quickly came to my side.

"Ryan, oh my god you're bleeding." She was scared. It was in her eyes. Trying to stop the bleeding and realizing she couldn't she pulled out her phone and began to dial 911.

Quickly reaching out and grabbing the phone out of her hands I closed it shut. "No, I'm fine."

"Ryan you are not fine I think you may have seriously done some major damage." She reached for the phone again but I kept it out of her reach. "Fine if you won't let me call for help then at least wait here while I get something to stop the bleeding." She sighed.

I nodded not at all listening to her. Everything was beginning to fuzz. She quickly got up running towards the lab. Hearing the door close I slowly stood up leaving the phone in my place I go out the opposite door and out to my car with much difficulties. Starting up the engine I drove without a clue where I was headed to. I just drove.

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	2. Feelings

**Disclaimer- I own nothing.**

**A/N- Thanks for the reviews guys! It really helps me to get chapters up! I had a little trouble with beginning this chapter but I finally got it up to my liking. School is starting up again in a week so i'll try to get a couple more chapters up before then.**

**So without futher ado here is chapter 2! **

**Read and Enjoy!**

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**Feelings**

How I drove around without getting killed I would never know. I ended up in the emergency room getting treatment I should've got a week ago. I don't know why I went there, or even how I got there but it most likely had something to do with me blacking out every two minutes.

I stir from my deep sleep as a man that looked to be at least 40 in a white coat walked into the plain hospital room. "Mr. Wolfe, I'm Dr. Simons." He reached out his hand. I sat up, weakly shaking his hand from my bed. He flipped open a folder, eyes scanning it. "We have evaluated your injuries and it looks like you suffered two broken ribs, torn ligaments in your right shoulder, contusion to the lung, a small fracture in your skull, and obviously a lot of cuts and bruises." He finally finished slightly out of breath.

I reach for the back of my head feeling stitches running for at least an inch. I look down to inspect the rest of my body. I had at least four bandages wrapped around my ribs, a metal brace covering my shoulder, and a ventilator connected to me which explained why I couldn't speak.

His voice drew me from my wounds. "We are going to keep you here for at least the night and run tests to make sure there aren't more complications." Opening my mouth to argue I choke up as the breathing tube shoved down my windpipe prevented me from doing so. Instead I just nod my head solemnly. The doctor seeing my obvious frustration pulled out a small notepad and pen handing it to me. I give him a grateful look happy to have a way to communicate. He nodded, telling me to get some rest and that a nurse will be checking up on me soon before making a leave.

I sigh, as the soundless unvarnished surrounding took over. The only sounds came from the heart monitor as it steadily beep, the hustling of nurses and doctors just outside the door, and the hum of the ventilator slowly pumping oxygen into my faulty lungs.

I look out the large windows out over the city of Miami. Many people thought Miami was beautiful because of all the sunshine and pretty girls in bikinis but to me it was even more spectacular when the sunset shone over the city. It just calms me to just sit out on the beach as the waves gently crash against the shores, the array of the sunset lighting up the skies. The time the team walked through the beach just as the sun was setting was one of those times you call a Kodak moment. I miss those times where everything was so simple, when I felt like I didn't have to carry a big burden on my shoulders, when Calleigh and Eric **weren't** together.

I squeeze my eyes shut feeling pain shoot through my head as I thought about _them_. Why did I have to like (love was too big of a word right now) the one woman I had absolutely no chance with? The one woman that doesn't even give a damn about me. Was this punishment for what I did in a previous life? Or did God just like seeing me suffer? What did Delko have that I didn't? _History _I thought bitterly history with Calleigh. They have been working with each other long before I even got hired it made sense that they would grow close. But why did she have to grow apart from me as she grew closer to him? It didn't make any sense to me.

Sighing I rub at my temples trying to get rid of the pounding that steadily grew. I pull the covers tightly over my body. I shiver slightly and slowly look up at the light flickering. My head was absolutely throbbing now, my body feeling like it had frost bite, and sweat was pouring down my forehead. I fought to stay awake fighting a losing battle to keep consciousness. My eyelids were drooping now and it took too much energy to keep them open.

So I closed them, hearing a faint, extensive _beep_ as I lost the battle to stay conscious.

-----

Opening my eyes I immediately close them back as incandescent lights made their presences known.

"Mr. Wolfe" a voice sounded from my right I reopen them, slowly letting them get use to the glowing lights shining above me before I turn my head to the side, my slightly blurred vision landing on Horatio. He was seated on one of the two chairs stationed beside my bed, fiddling with his shades. "How are you feeling?" he asked taking a moment to look at me.

"I've been worse." Actually that wasn't true this was the worse shape I was ever in; even getting a nail shot into my eye had been better. Sure I might've gone blind and probably ended my CSI career but anything was better than laying here in my own discomfort. I sigh I really wanted to get the hell out of here. Hospitals always had a way of making everyone feel useless like they had no reason to leave this place. It felt like I was here for weeks when really I was only here a few hours. I would much rather be at work... work! I was missing my shift just laying here. I snap my head back to Horatio groaning when I felt everything going woozy.

Sensing my panic Horatio calmed them "Mr. Wolfe you are in intensive care I don't expect you to come back to us for at least a couple weeks." It was creepy how he did that, always knowing what you were thinking and answering with clever acknowledgement. Maybe he was a psychic. Yes! That had to be it that was why he was the head of Miami's greatest crime team, why so many people trusted him and went to him when something was on their mind. Yes, after years of trying to figure out the elements of what made Horatio I finally got it. That or they have been giving me way, way, WAY too much drugs.

I think it was the drugs.

I suddenly look up realizing what my boss had just said. "Intensive care?" I questioned. He nodded. "I was in a regular hospital room before...why did they put me ICU?" I inquire. He stopped playing with his dark glasses and took a confused glance at me. As he opened his mouth to answer my much needed question his phone beeped indicating that he was needed. He flipped it open giving a 'Yes?' 'I see' and 'I'll be right there'

He put his sunglasses on in that mysterious way symbolizing that it was time for bad cop good cop.

"Mr Wolfe" I look at the door where he was standing now. "Do not rush to get better. You deserve some time off." I give him a slight smile and nodded; glad that at least _someone _caredfor my well being. He left saying that he was needed at a crime scene. I was once again left in total silence.

Silence could be a good thing or a bad thing. It gave you the surroundings you needed to get overdue work done; it was needed to get a good's night rest, and it gave you time to think over things. But too much of anything was never too good. That's why I was going crazy just laying in the silent abyss it gave me that surrounding that was perfect for filling in crime lab reports, I had a perfectly good bed I could sleep in, and I had all the time in the world to think. Obviously I had no work with me, I felt like I already slept for days, and thinking would just lead to more pain than I was already in. So I settle for turning on the television I flip around landing on the news.

"Just in a woman has been found dead on the beach of Miami Shores." the anchor woman with too much make up announced.

I sighed I probably would've been at the scene interviewing suspects and working my ass off to bring the criminal down to their knees. I never really realize how much I really liked doing this job and I was only a day away from it and I was already itching to get back.

"We have more on this story with Michelle Thomas who is at the scene of the crime." The news woman continued.

"Thank you Julie. We are here where 22-year old Amy Smith was found dead. An earlier beach goer spotted her when the waves washed her up onto shore." The camera zoomed in on to where the body was found, and to the gathering crowds behind the yellow police lines. "Miami-Dade Police Department has been called to scene and are now investigating this horrific murder." The cameras zoomed in again this time at the lustrous hummer pulling up. Horatio, Natalia, and Alexx stepped out of one hummer, immediately getting control of the situation. Another hummer pulled up behind them this time both Calleigh and Eric appeared walking closely beside each other to the crime scene.

"More to come after these-" I close the television not caring about what TV had to offer anymore. I rub my hand over my face hoping that it would turn my frown upside down. Why the hell did I always have to see them around? It was already tough enough having to watch them giving each other love sick faces in the lab. If that wasn't unbearable enough I had to see them everywhere I went, if I didn't see them I wondered what they were doing. There was one time where I saw them outside of work and I knew I had no chance in hell anymore.

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_I had just got off a double shift and was headed to the one place I really felt relaxed; the beach. I parked and slowly made my way towards my heaven on earth. I trotted through one of the cleaner streets of Miami; on one side there were fancy little restaurants, and on the other was the beach with a cement ledge for safety purposes. Happy couples wrapped around each other were walking down the street like there was not a worry in the world._

_Reaching my usual spot I take a seat on the heated cement ledge, dangling my feet above the sand 30 feet below. I stayed here watching the sunset and just unwinding from a hard day work. _

_Blowing out a long relaxing breath I lean on the palms of my hands. For some reason my mind always drifted off to Calleigh. What she wore to work today, what we talked about that day,__** if**__ we even talked that day. I never thought about Calleigh and Eric. Just Calleigh._

_I had to tell her how I felt. It was killing me to see her with Delko. What did I have to lose? Oh right a lot. My dignity would be shattered if she didn't feel the same way, I would probably have to quit because our working relationship and friendship would be totally awkward, and I don't think I could handle it if she just laughed in my face._

_But what if she felt the same way? What if she felt her knees go weak whenever we shared eye contact, if she felt electricity go throughout her entire body whenever we touched. I would be a much happier man of course. But what are the chances she reciprocated the feelings I've felt for so long now? I've seen her with Delko she seemed so happy. I couldn't rip apart their relationship even if I really loathe Delko with every fibre of my being by going up to her and saying 'I like you. Dump Eric and marry me.' Yeah right. Like that would ever happen. I deserved to be happy too I supposed...and if I had to tell her my feelings to get rid of the 'what if' then I had to do it. If she didn't feel the same way she and Delko can just forget about me and move on with their lives...together. As for me? Well I'll live but there will always be permanent scar in my heart. I just had to know even if it was going to be hell or heaven for me. I just had to know. I was doing the right thing though right? I could move on if she didn't feel the same way right? Right...?_

_Right._

_Getting up and brushing away any filth off my jeans I make my way to the parking lot with a slightly nervous smile on my face knowing that tomorrow's work day could be the best day of my life or that it could be the day my heart was ripped out and stomped on. We just had to see._

_I stop my sudden blissful stroll to my transportation when I hear a familiar female laugh. Confused, I turn around scanning the streets for the voice. Finding nothing I begin walking again. Another laugh sounded this time a male's laughter. I frown following the laughter to over the ledge and onto the beach. Any evidence of my joyous mood was completely wiped off at the sight I saw. There out in the sand were Calleigh and Eric. Eric sat with Calleigh comfortably between his outstretched legs with his arms tightly around her as she leaned back into his embrace. _

_I could see them talking but I couldn't hear a thing. Finding a set of stairs nearby leading down to the beach I quickly dash for it almost tumbling down. I stayed close enough to them to hear them but not for them to notice someone was watching them._

"_Cal, I've wanted to tell you something for a long time now." I heard Eric say nervousness obviously in his voice._

"_What's wrong Eric?" she asked worried. Calleigh moved her head from where his chin was resting and turned her head to listen to what he had to say._

"_Nothing. I just wanted to say...umm...uh-" He stuttered _

"_Come on Eric" I heard her tease him "It's me. You can tell me anything. We've known each other for-"_

"_I love you." He interrupted her. I knew that it was the first time either of them had said it to one another._

_The surprise on both their faces, and the tears that gathered in her eyes told me so. She leant up probably to kiss him._

_I didn't wait to find out. Pain overwhelmed me and I turned to leave as swiftly and quietly as possible not wanting to disturb the content couple. Going to the bar and drinking the night away I forgot about going home, forgot about having to work early the next morning, and forgot what I was going to tell her the next day. I forgot about everything that night. I forgot everything but the pain I was in._

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That night I drank all night and into the morning. I left the bar only to go to work where I threw up multiple times. Of course everyone noticed that I would stumble around the lab and my slurred sentences whenever I talked. Horatio even pulled me aside and gave me the day off.

Even when I was drunk I could still see the huge grin on Delko's face. As for Calleigh I couldn't bear to look at her without breaking down and crying.

The sound of a door closing caused me to look up. I smile slightly at my visitor.

"Hey stranger." Natalia greeted me playfully. She was wearing a buttoned up purple blouse leaving the top two buttons undone, along with pin-striped dress pants with her badge peeking out. She was obviously coming from work.

"Hey" I greeted her back. Alarmed at how scratchy and weak my voice sounded.

She smiled at me taking a seat by my bedside. "So, are you going to tell me what happen to you or am I going to assume you were mauled by a pack of wolves?" She seriously asked.

I hesitated. The only other person who knew about his injuries was Horatio and I knew Horatio would keep it to himself. But Natalia...she had been there for him. She was one of those people that you could always tell anything to. I hated remembering that horrible night. It was an issue that I was never really able to talk about. Not to myself yet alone to anyone else.

The nightly nightmares reminded of that fateful day.

But the look on her face was so warm and inviting that I knew that if I had to talk about this then Natalia was the person I would've went to.

I cleared my throat trying to make my voice at least a little presentable but instead I inwardly cringing at the pain.

I told her everything from what they did to me to what they would've done to Billy. She understood. Giving me comforting hugs and holding my hand throughout my story telling. When I finished she and I talked about work; her telling me that Frank Tripp was again working at MDPD because of my absence. We got more comfortable and we talked about anything and everything. A pleasant silence enveloped us and I remembered what I had asked Horatio before work obstructed.

"Natalia?" I called out. She looked over at me showing that she was listening and gave me a small smile. "Why did they put me in ICU?" I look over at her as confusion appeared in her eyes.

"Ryan..." She shook her head, suddenly standing up she began pacing around the foot of my bed. "You don't remember?" she continued.

It was my turn to be perplexed. "Remember what?" I inquire. Honestly puzzled at this point. She gave me that same expression Horatio gave me when I asked him the same question.

She stopped pacing then, coming over to stand by my side with an apprehensive look on her face. "Ryan..." She paused for a minute gathering her thoughts. Taking a deep breath she finished. "You were in a coma for the last three days." I felt my fragile heart drop to the pit of my stomach. My heart dropped even more with the next words she spoke.

With a stricken look in her eyes she continued. "Ryan...you almost died."

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	3. Guilt

**Disclaimer- CSI Miami is not mine in any way shape or form. If it were do you think Calleigh and Eric would be together? I think not.**

**A/N- This chapter mainly focuses on what happened when Ryan blacked out in chapter 2.**

**Read and Review!**

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**Guilt**

_Rushing in the doctor and nurses surrounded Ryan. A nurse ripped the blanket from around him, pulling on his night gown to reveal his chest. A hand reached to feel his pulse. _

_Nothing. _

"_Prepare for external Defibrillation!" The Doctor yelled. _

_Everyone around him scrambled trying to get his failing body to respond to something anything._

"_Someone apply the damn gel!" Another voice sounded. Gel was placed on Ryan's cooling chest readying him for electric shocks that hoped to bring him out of his spiralling fall._

_Gripping the paddles the doctor rubbed them together "Charging 150! Clear!" He put them to Ryan's chest his body's leapfrogged up along with paddles. _

_Looking at the heart monitor for a second the doctor re-gripped the paddles. "Charging 200! Clear!" Again Ryan's body jumped at the contact. This time a sudden beep sounded through the room. Breathing a sigh of relief Doctor Simons looked towards the heart monitor easement now flowing back into his body. Turning around to give further instructions his heart dropped at the sudden flat lining. _

_Swiftly gripping the Defibrillators in each hand, he cranked it up frustrated that his patient was very unstable. "Charging 300!"_

_A nurse looked up from his side, shocked at the amount of electricity he asked for. "Doctor..."_

_He interrupted her showing that now was not the time to question his choices. "Just do it!" He hollered._

_Doing as she was told the nurse cranked the Defibrillator to 300 volts. The paddles gave a low scream coming back to life. Rubbing paddle against paddle the doctor prayed for this last resort to work._

"_Clear!" Again Ryan's body twitched upward towards the source of the electrodes. Pulling the Paddles back they gave Ryan some space hoping that they would hear that familiar bell tone._

_10 seconds. Nothing moved._

_20 seconds. The flat linings seem to get stronger._

_30 seconds. A grave silence hung in the air. Dr. Simons heaved a pregnant sigh moving towards the bed, grabbing a hold of the blankets that once kept him warm, now will cover the body. _

"_Time of Death 6:49am" He began hospital protocol. "Date of-"_

_He was cut off by the miraculous electronic beep of the heart monitor. _

_Everyone looked up astonished at the abrupt ragged lines that at appeared on the monitor that not too long ago held a singular flat line. Doctor Simons uncovered the body. Reaching around, he put two fingers to his neck finding a pulse._

_Undoubtedly weak but there._

_-----_

_Horatio was seated at his desk as he waited for his CSIs to follow him in. Once they were gathered he began prepping his team on the day's priorities._

"_Mr. Caine?" The MDPD's secretary poked her head in. He looked up from his seat. "CSI Wolfe on line two." Looking back at his team in confusion he realized that Mr. Wolfe was sure enough missing. _

_Putting the desk phone on speaker he spoke. "Mr. Wolfe, may I ask where you are right now?" There was shuffling over the line and steady voices were heard over the line before a voice spoke. _

"_Is this the employment in which Ryan Wolfe works at?" an unfamiliar voice asked through the speaker._

"_Yes it is. May I ask who this is?" Everyone in the room was silent, listening to the voice over the line._

_More shuffling and more voices before the voice return their attention to the phone. "We are with Miami Hospital. We have Mr. Wolfe in surgery." _

_Everyone had a look of surprise on their faces with the exception of Calleigh who turn deathly pale._

"_If you could come to the hospital as soon as possible we would like to discuss Mr. Wolfe's condition with you. Thank you." The line went dead after, not even waiting for a reply._

_Bewildered did not even begin to describe the CSI team. They stood there for a minute letting the thought of one of their own in a hospital alone sink in before Horatio snapped them back into reality and they all made their way to their hummers heading to the hospital._

_-----_

_Waiting. It was an annoying thing to do especially when something this serious was on your mind. That's how Horatio's team felt at the moment. Annoyed. Annoyed that they had to wait while their colleague was hanging on by a thread._

_Everyone had their thoughts. Wondering what had happened to their friend that he had ended up in the operation room. But not Calleigh she knew what had happened. And she couldn't help but blame herself. She had come back with the necessary supplies to fix Ryan up, but was panicked when she didn't see him but only her phone in a large pool of blood. She had looked everywhere from the labs, to the parking lots, tears filling her eyes at each vacant room searched. She cleaned up the blood and called him repeatedly falling into a distressful sleep while doing so._

_The double doors of the operating room swung opened and the Doctor stepped out pulling off his medical mask, and latex gloves before he looked at us an unreadable expression on his face "For Ryan Wolfe?" he questioned._

_We all stood with concerned expression anxiously rushing towards him. He looked stupefied with the amount of people that showed up for this one person. _

"_How is he?" Alexx demanded. She couldn't help but feel so helpless when one of her babies was in the balance of life and death._

"_Well" He was cut off by the operating room's door swinging open again. This time a medical stretcher was wheeled out with 4 nurses accompanying each corner of Ryan. He looked deathly pale, He was very still, and overall he looked dead._

_All CSIs looked on with horror as he was wheeled down and Calleigh tried to shallow the lump in her throat that steadily grew since they got that phone call. "We couldn't reach Mr. Wolfe's emergency contact or any of his family. So I had to call his employment." Doctor Simons explained. He shifted a little uncomfortable with what to say next. This was the worst part of his job; telling the people that their loved ones barely made it. But seeing the anxious and distraught expressions on their faces told him that knowing was better than wondering. _

_Even if knowing was hard to hear._

_All CSIs intently focused their attention back on the doctor. Sighing he started. "We found internal bleeding which caused Mr. Wolfe to go into cardiac arrest. We lost him." Looks of terror were shown on all their faces and Calleigh grabbed onto Eric's hand tightly. "We performed resuscitation several times before we got a heartbeat and rushed him straight into surgery." Letting out a breath; Calleigh had a feeling in the pit of her stomach. There was something he wasn't telling us. _

"_Right now Mr. Wolfe is in fairly stable condition." He continued stopping to sign a few papers that were handed off to him. Now this was the part that he feared. How could he tell them that he was stable but not at all stable? How could he tell them that Ryan was hanging right between life and death? He sorted out his thoughts slowly. _

_He chose his next few words apprehensively. "But he is not very stable." Looks of confusion cross the group's face and he realized that he was beating around the bush. "Mr. Wolfe... has fallen into a coma." He clearly explained._

_Gasps were heard from Natalia and Alexx, Eric cursed, Horatio had a solemn look on, and Calleigh paled even more so. This was like a horrible roller coaster ride one second she was exhaling a relaxing breathe and before she knew it she was at the top again falling into a heart dropping hell. She felt icebound to her spot as if everything stopped and no one would matter anymore until she saw his face glittering with his usual contentment or heard his intoxicating laugh again. She slowly let go of Eric hand and stumbled backwards onto a chair behind her. Tears began to fill her eyes and she put her head in her shaking hands hoping to conceal the tears from everyone. Eric was instantly at her side putting an arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. _

_How was this possible? When had she gotten so weak? She had never cried not when she thought Horatio was dead, not when Speedle had died, and certainly not when Eric was shot fatally. So what made this time different? The guilt of not getting him to the hospital herself? Yes, that had something to do with it but this wasn't Horatio, Speed or Eric's life on the line this was Ryan's._

_She couldn't take it. Not even Eric's usually comforting gestures could help her get pass this. She needed for Ryan to wake up. She needed for him to know that he was right about what he said; she needed him to know that she was truly, deeply sorry. But most of all she needed for him to know that she will always be by his side no matter what._

_Trying to stop the tears from flowing at least for a minute Calleigh pulled away from Eric's hold and promptly made a beeline for the nearest restroom. She ignored Eric's calls and Alexx's shocked look at her tear stained face. Opening the door and locking it behind her, Calleigh slid down onto the sanitized floors, her back against the door and let out the sobs that built up since the phone call. Each sob wracked at her body and tears were freely falling down her cheeks making a path of their own will._

_She pulled her knees to her chest as she had finally calmed down. Hiccupping, she stood on slightly unstable feet and made her way further into the restroom. Looking in the mirror she had to wrinkle her face at her appearance. Her mascara had run down her face along with her tears, her nose was virgin pink, and her green eyes were now bloodshot from all the crying she'd been doing. Letting out her last sob, she turned on the sink's knob, splashing cool water on her face she took deep breaths fearing what she was going to see when she steps into his room. Pulling out her small make up kit from her purse she proceeded to at least cover up the fact that she was crying._

_Stepping out, she saw that Ryan's doctor was in the waiting room talking to Alexx probably about medical procedures and his condition. Walking to them she ignored the stunned looks on both Natalia and Eric's faces astonished at the bloodshot eyes and her slightly trembling lips._

"_Can I go see him?" Calleigh asked quietly looking down at her clasped hands as she deferred Alexx and the Doctor's conversation. Both medical doctor and examiner were startled out of their debate on how Ryan injuries should have been taken care of._

_Doctor Simons visibly slumped his shoulders "Unfortunately no, we had him transferred to ICU and we still have a lot more test to run on Mr. Wolfe to further determine his condition." He closed his eyes and shook his head as if telling them that there was no hope of him ever waking up. He looked back up suddenly realizing something. He lowered his voice and step closer to all CSIs as if he was sharing a secret. "Now, I'm not an expert on what cops encounter or anything, but when I asked how he suffered these injuries Mr. Wolfe told me he fell down a flight of stairs...Obviously he's been beaten within a inch of his life. The bruises and cuts have determined that he was beaten over several hours. " Tears of sorrow came back to Calleigh's eyes and everyone had looks of guilt on their faces. Ashamed that they had let something this dangerous happen to their colleague. "I'm going to have to ask one of you to fill out a form explaining what exactly happen." At their confused looks he continued. "Standard Hospital protocol." He shrugged and excusing himself muttering something about making his rounds before he left the group. Again all CSIs looked at each other as if urging someone to come forward and explain what had happened to not only the doctor but to the team. Realization washed over all of them and they recognized that none of them knew what had happened. None of them even knew Ryan was in such a horrible condition. _

_Except for Horatio that is._

"_I'll take care of that." He reached out for the form, and fished out a pen from his jacket pocket. All CSIs looked at him-looks that showed that they too wanted to know what happened. "I am not one to give out details on what happened to Mr. Wolfe." Horatio said reading their looks. "You'll have to ask Mr. Wolfe if he wakes up." He finished, walking to a nearby table and getting started on the paperwork._

_Calleigh stiffened. If he wakes up? If? Of course Ryan was going to wake up. He had to. She couldn't bear not seeing his glistening smile and the way his hazel eyes sparkled when he did something right. She couldn't bear just not seeing __**him**__. _

_Eric noticed her tense and he moved behind her putting his arms around her slim waist. He was taken by surprise when she shrugged his hold off with such cold bitterness he had to step back. He wasn't the only one who noticed; Alexx and Natalia gave looks of uneasiness as they saw her actions towards Eric yet alone Eric's intimate touches, and the cold, icy distance look in her eyes._

_Horatio's voice sounded to the team but Calleigh didn't hear a word. She only was brought out of her trance when Alexx placed a hand on her unfeeling shoulder. _

"_Calleigh honey, we need to go." She softly said. At the sudden preposterous look on her face at the thought of ever leaving here without Ryan she speedily explained. "We are needed at a crime scene." When she didn't even budge Alexx tried once more. "You can visit him after baby. He'll still be here."_

_She almost laughed bitterly at the thought. Of course he would still be here he was in a freaking coma for Pete sakes! "B-but he'll b-be all al-lone." Calleigh didn't even look a tad bit shock at how much she had just stuttered just then. She just looked petrified._

_Alexx stood there for a second letting a sad small smile come to her face. "He's not allowed to have visitors baby." She gently said not wanting to further upset the usually strong, independent woman she had always known and truthfully it alarmed Alexx to see her like this. After all those years of working side by side, seeing abominable situations, and loved ones die; she had never seen Calleigh Duquesne quite like this. Emotional Calleigh... heartbroken Calleigh._

_Sighing in distraught defeat she moved towards the exit but kept her eyes in the direction they wheeled Ryan to. Alexx wrapped her arms around her shoulders and led her out. Alexx knew that she was desperately trying to keep from breaking down and sobbing hysterically._

_The trembling body, unshed tears, and choking noises told her so._

Natalia looked over at Ryan and noticed the glazed over look in his eyes. "Ryan, you okay?"

He ignored her question "So, I did die." At her nod he continued. "Several times..." She again nodded.

She had just finished telling him what had happened over the last three days when he went into the coma. Everything but Calleigh. She believed that was something Calleigh and Ryan would talk about together. That and he didn't seem to want to talk about her. So she left it alone knowing it was better for them to talk and not for her to talk for Calleigh.

By the time the nurse told Natalia that she had to leave she had been there for a little over an hour. I thanked her, gave her a hug and she was on her way.

During my long meaningful conversation with Natalia I came to a decision. A difficult, troublesome but absolutely necessary decision. I was done being hung up on Calleigh. If she was content with Eric then I'll be happy for her. Because really she deserves to be truly happy and I deserved the same thing and I was never going to achieve it if I was drowning in my own self-pity.

"Mr. Wolfe," The doctor announced me. Huh? When did he get in? Seeing that he got my attention he moved on "How are you feeling?"

"Like I was in a coma for the last three days." I mutter. He cracked a smile at that and became more serious. "You are very lucky to be here today Mr. Wolfe."

Yeah I was. Dying and being brought back to life more than once was no piece of cake. And on top of that waking up only three days after I went into a coma? Yeah, I had to admit I was pretty damn lucky.

I spent the remainder of the day in my bed while the doctor asked me a series of questions and performed tests on me.

"Okay, that is all for now. Now get some rest." Doctor Simons told me writing down the last of my health on his clipboard and making a leave. I breathed a sigh of relief, eager that I was now able to rest even though I was essentially dead for the last 72 hours.

I looked over at the clock and it read 8:51 pm. I close my eyes and started drifting off.

I was startled awake when a nurse opened my door sheepishly apologizing at her disturbance.

"Mr. Wolfe you have a visitor." I look at her confused. Who would visit me 9 minutes before visiting hours were over? I nodded at her and she left getting my visitor. It was probably just Natalia checking up on me again, or Alexx making sure they took care of- I didn't finish that thought before I saw the nurse stopping outside the door with a woman. A woman with _blonde _hair.

I saw the nurse leave and Calleigh visibly taking a deep breath. I heard the door jiggle and I instantaneously shut my eyes.

I knew it was stupid and childish pretending to be asleep because you wanted to avoid talking to someone but I wasn't ready to face her. At least not yet.

I heard the door open and close and I felt my whole body go rigid. I could feel her still at the door just taking a look at me. I heard her heels against the marble floors and her stop beside my bed. Again I sense her just looking at me and it brought heat up my neck. I heard the chair shift and I knew she had taken a seat. I take a risk and slightly open my right eyelid taking a look at her. She had her head in her hands and was obviously frustrated over something. But she was still as beautiful as ever. _Stop thinking like that Wolfe! Remember what you promised yourself. _My conscious practically snarled at me.

I quickly close my eye as she looked up. I felt my whole body get electrified as she gripped my hand. I had to stop myself from squealing like a little schoolgirl as she rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand. I almost protest as she let go of my hand but her hands made their way to my forehead. She smoothed away some of my hair and stroked my cheek with the back of her hand. She leaned over my face and my breath hitched as I felt her breathe on my cheek. "I'm sorry." She whispered before she kissed my forehead letting her lips linger there for a few seconds. I felt her pull away as the same nurse notified her that visiting hours were over.

I heard an intake of shaky breath before footsteps were heard fading away and a door close. I reopen my eyes and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. What was that?

I didn't dwell on it though. Sleep was taking over and I dozed off with jolts running up my spine and the feel of her lips still on my forehead.

* * *

**You know what to do! =D I don't know when the next chapter is coming up but hopefully by the end of next week. **

**Next chapter will be when Ryan finally get back in the lab.**


	4. Honest

**Disclaimer- I own nothing at all. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.**

**A/N- Well with school starting in one day I figure I might as well use the last few days of my free time wisely. This chapter focuses on Ryan dealing with his inner pact. I don't know when I'll be able to update. =( I got a wedding to go to and I have a feeling tons and tons of homework. But I will try my best to write when I have the time.**

**You know the drill!**

**Read and Review =)**

**~Alex**

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**Honest.**

I pull into the parking spot labelled CSI. I rub my sweaty hands onto my dark jeans hoping to calm myself. I had woke up extra early -three hours to be exact- before my first shift in a long time pacing my small apartment. Nervous wasn't even the word to begin how I felt. It had been a little over a month and half since my little death experience and I was absolutely squirming at the thought of finally getting back in my environment. They kept me in the hospital for three weeks even though I begged and pleaded my case that I felt great. I had done some physical therapy for my shoulder as well. I was told to stay home until at least my ribs healed before I could start going out again. Basically I was in quarantine besides the daily visitors I got.

Actually being in the hospital was bittersweet. I was bored out of my mind doing nothing in there. But I got visits from Natalia, Alexx, Horatio, and even Stetler once. They would come and update me on cases and just talked to me about whatever. They all asked about what had happened to me and before I told them I had them promise me that they wouldn't tell Calleigh or Eric. They were confused at my request but promised anyways more curious about my situation then at my odd request. Stetler visited once showing that he was not at all pleased at how I kept this from him, he may be an ass but he's an ass who cares for the team. I didn't know how much they cared for me until now. Taking time out of their busy day to make sure I had some company. I realized that we weren't just Colleagues, we were friends as well.

Eric had come to pay a visit as well. He asked how I was doing and I said fine. We would try to bring about another topic but that wouldn't last long and he just stood there thinking of something else to say and I would lay there looking at the walls. His cell phone saved us from any more weird silences and we both breathed out sighs of relief. Can you say Awkward much? Not that I expected anything else. Besides talking about evidence at work we never talked.

What I really couldn't figure out though was Calleigh. She would visit me _every _day. Not that I minded. Not one bit. She always came between 8 and 8:45 pm just before visiting times were over. I always pretended to be asleep. She did the same thing. Come in, sit down, stare at me, held my hand, kiss my forehead, and leave without a word when it was 9pm. She must've noticed that I was always asleep when she visited but if she did she never tried to wake me up. I think she might've saw me crack open an eye to take a look at her one time but she didn't mention it. Much to my displeasure I still got shivers whenever she touched me and my whole body tingle whenever she kissed me. I mean, of course I liked it when she did that but that was the problem. I couldn't like it. I had to stay true to my word and push my feelings for her deep, deep down. But with all these sudden actions from her it was making it quite formidable for me to do what was needed. Actually it just made me wants to do the opposite and give in. But I didn't. I wouldn't. My resolve is unbreakable. It had to be when it came to Calleigh Duquesne.

Let's just say I was itching to get out of there to avoid more of Calleigh's loving gestures. Knowing that she wouldn't visit me in my sanctuary.

My torture marks were still visible on my body but had faded significantly over the month. The pain was sometimes there. Some days are worse than others but I could deal with it. I had also lost at least 10 pounds. I couldn't bear eating hospital food.

I had asked Natalia to bring me some of MDPD's beginners guide when she had come to visit me at my home one time. At her unsettling look I explained not wanting her to get the wrong idea. "I didn't forget. I just want to make sure I do everything right to protocol so Stetler won't be up my ass." I said to her. She had laughed, her worried expression changing to one of amusement.

I shake my head, realizing that I was still in my car. Nervousness seeping away as I thought back to the past month. They treated me as a friend over the past month. There's no reason why they would stop now that I was working again.

Bringing my hands up to my Windsor knotted tie, I tighten it. Unbuttoning and re-buttoning my black blazer I pulled on it smoothing away any wrinkles. I readjust my rear-view mirror so that I could fix my hair. I stop though when I see the reflection of Calleigh and Eric getting out of a hummer. The same Hummer. It was early in the morning so why would they come in the...oh...

I breathe in deeply and handle myself calmly as my nervousness came back. _Wolfe...remember what your pact is _my inner voice warned. I was going to see a lot of them around the lab. I just had to make sure I made nothing of it.

Seeing more cars pull into the lot I leave making my way into the building. A few people stop me on my way up to the CSI floor, welcoming me back and making small talk. Contented that people noticed that I was gone I make my way to the receptionist.

"Welcome back Mr. Wolfe" She smiled at me.

"Thanks Sarah, It good to be back." I replied reaching over the large desk giving her a short hug before returning to my professional self. "Do you know where Horatio is?"

"Oh he just called in the rest of the CSIs to his office. Something about a new case." She answered rolling her chair over to answer the telephone.

How was I late? I woke up three hours early! Sighing I mouthed 'Thank you' to the receptionist; not wanting to disturb the conversation she was currently in. I briskly walk to the elevators, getting in I lean against the railing.

Hmm it was good to be back.

Hearing a 'Ding' and the doors open I push myself of the railing and make it out the sliding doors. The occupants of the room turn to see who came off the elevator. The room seemed to smile as they saw me. Natalia was first, practically sprinting towards me and throwing her arms around my neck as she hugged me. The rest of my fellow CSIs followed. I greeted everyone as they welcomed me back. I gave Alexx a hug as she made me promise not to scare her like that again. I gave Eric a handshake with grins both on our faces and Horatio and Tripp -who had come back full time during my absence- as well.

As they settle back to the usual parts of the office I see Calleigh leaning against a coffee table brushing away invisible wrinkles off her blouse. She looked up sensing my eyes on her and our eyes meet. I move towards her and her towards me. We stop about a foot and a half between each other and I raise my hand to shake hers at the same time she opened her arms for a hug. I quickly drop my hand and open my arms as she dropped her arms and raised her hand. We both blush crimson red as I heard giggles from Alexx and Natalia and a snicker from Frank. As if reading each other's mind we settle for an awkward embrace that lasted no more than two seconds. We move away from each other quickly and we move towards different sides of the room as if we were the same magnets sides repelling one another; her swiftly going back to the coffee table and me going to stand by Alexx. I try my best to ignore the butterflies in my stomach.

"Pleasure to have you back Mr. Wolfe." I smile at Horatio as he continued. "We received a call from downtown Miami." Horatio said returning back to his professional self. "There is a female DB on the street."

"Calleigh, Eric, and Alexx you three are on that case." He gave out orders. They all nodded and made their way to the hummer. I felt relief flood my body at the thought of not working with Calleigh today. It wasn't like I didn't like her. I did. But I knew that it was going to be extremely awkward. Take two minutes ago. We had people surrounding us and it was awkward for us to even say anything to one another yet alone hug. Imagine what it would be like with just me and her in a hummer. Yeah, like I said extremely awkward.

"Miss Boa Vista, you are with me and Frank. A body was found in a lion's cage down at the zoo." I saw her cringe. That had to be a messy case. I stop realizing that he didn't say my name as well.

"H, what about me?" I ask confused.

He didn't answer me for a moment as he was pulling out his infamous sunglasses and slipping them over his piercing blue eyes. He looked up at me putting both his hands under his blazer and resting them on his sides. "Mr. Wolfe I'm afraid you are going to have to stay at HQ and do paperwork." My heart dropped. I was really hoping that this was my first day back. Well it is...Sort of

"Why? My doctor cleared me of my injuries." I said hoping that would change his mind.

No dice.

"Mr. Wolfe you were not due back until tomorrow. I can't risk you going to a crime scene." He explained.

"Oh" was all I could muster up. This was my fault. I should have known I was too eager. Sighing I nod showing him that I was willing to organize files for today at least. The trio made their way to the elevator and Natalia gave my shoulder a light squeeze still thinking my shoulder was still messed up. Letting out a breath I follow them.

-----

I sigh for what seemed to be the 500th time that day. File stacking was intensely boring. I pity the people who did this daily. But I didn't pity them today since they all decided that I had everything under control and that they could do a little something more interesting for a change. I finish my eleventh stack of folders and sigh, (make that 501) moving to push another stack of brown, sturdy folders in front of me.

_Case #2493_ _Jones Case. _I read. I put that to the side making a pile for each folder. Finishing the stack quickly but correctly (I didn't need Stetler thinking I wasn't ready to be back) I stand stretching my aching muscles -with a little pain- from sitting on my ass for the last three hours. My stomach growled at me basically telling me that it wanted to be full. I look at my Rolex. Seeing that it was almost noon and the team usually had lunch at this time; I make my way to the break room. I greet the only occupant in the room.

"Hey, Natalia." I smiled at her as I walk toward the fridge. She looked up from her salad greeting me back.

"Hey, Ryan" She grinned back at me. Rummaging in the fridge and finding nothing to my liking I sit across from Natalia. She didn't seem to notice though. Her chocolate eyes were intently focusing on the piece of salad hanging off her fork. "Does this look weird to you?" She suddenly asks her face crinkled up in disgust.

I take a look at the salad which couldn't really be called a salad unless you liked wrinkled up brown vegetables. "Uh yeah Natalia because salads are usually brown and disgusting looking." I say sarcastically. She slaps my arm playfully and gets up throwing the offending food away.

My stomach roared again this time saying if I didn't put food inside of me it'll start eating my organs. Natalia seem to notice too and she raised her eyebrows "Hungry much?"

I smile sheepishly. "Famished. You?" At her nod I continue on. "Want to grab a bite?"

**-----**

"If I known you'd be cheap and bring me to a fast food joint I would've declined." She said playfully.

Getting out of my side and her doing the same I smugly replied "I'll been eating hospital food for the last month. I think I deserve to eat a little American food that is a hamburger and fries." She laughed rolling her eyes. Opening the door for her I follow her inside. I scan the menus above and settle for getting the classic combo as did she but with a side of salad instead of fries. _Women_ I roll my eyes at the thought of them always trying to eat healthy. Reaching the cashier, placing our orders and much debate on who should pay; which I had won. We each held a tray in our hands and made our way towards a vacant table when a voice stopped us.

"Natalia, Wolfe over here!" I turn around and see Eric waving us over with Calleigh by his side who looked like a deer caught in headlights. Before I could protest Natalia made her way over to them; sitting across from Eric. _Damn _I thought _this isn't going to be awkward at all_. I take a deep breath following Natalia and taking a seat beside her and right across from Calleigh.

"So, what are you guys doing here?" Delko broke the silence.

"Ryan here wanted to bring me out to a fancy restaurant." Natalia said playfully nudging me.

"Only you would think this place is fancy Wolfe." Eric teasingly said.

I smile weakly at that. I take a sip of my coke as I begin on my burger, taking little careful bites and throwing a few fries here and there into my mouth as Natalia and Eric made comfortable conversation. Before I knew it my meal was finished and I was wiping my hands of any grease. Natalia and Eric were still engrossed in a conversation involving the day's case and I mentally curse at myself as now I had nothing to do. Throughout my savage devour of my meal I kept my eyes on the food and never on the person sitting across from me. Now that the food was gone there was nothing to distract me from starting a conversation of my own with Calleigh. But I wouldn't do that. So I kept quiet leaning my back fully against the chair and occasionally taking sips out of my paper cup. I cautiously look towards Calleigh's direction and she too was doing the same. Taking small sips of her diet coke and looking down. Her eyes suddenly moved towards me as if she were thinking the same thing I was and our eyes meet. Green met Green. I know I should have looked away but I had gotten lost in her mossy green eyes.

We didn't move, we didn't break eye contact, we didn't even blink. We just...looked. Our little staring competition was disturbed when Natalia made her voice vocal.

"We should head back." She told me. I avert my eyes from Calleigh as she did the same and I nod, picking up my tray full of garbage getting ready to stand up before her voice stopped me. "Hold on I need to use the ladies' room." She announced before pushing her chair out and making her way to the hallway that had 'Restroom' labelled on top.

I fiddled with the knot of my tie and pretended to bend over to tie up my dress shoes trying to ignore the way Eric was whispering into Calleigh's ear. I sat back up looking down at my hands before I hear Eric's voice.

"So, Calleigh told me that you uh" He sounded nervous, like he regretted bringing the subject up at all. But he gain some of his composure before he continued again. "Calleigh told me that you um...know about us."

I stop playing with the buttons on my jacket and tense immediately at the word _us_. But I force myself to visibly to relax. I put on a nonchalant face and nodded slowly at the sudden strange statement.

Eric made a relaxed face probably at how I seem okay with the situation they were in. However that was not the case. I didn't like them together one bit but I'll learn to be okay with it. "I know we haven't seen eye to eye and um I know I haven't made it easy for you but uh I really appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself." He finished with hopeful smile.

Oh how much I wanted to wipe that smile off his face by just saying a single syllable word. No. But as I looked over at Calleigh; who kept quiet throughout Eric's little plea I couldn't help but feel that this was needed. I take a few seconds just staring at her but she wouldn't meet my gaze. She kept her eyes on her intertwined hands resting on her lap, and it looked like she was biting her lip as if she were timid.

"Ryan?" Eric snapped me back from observing Calleigh.

"Yeah," I answered "I won't tell anyone." I see Eric's shoulder drop with relief and a grin reached his face as he encircled an arm around Calleigh.

Natalia came out from the washroom and Eric quickly retracted his arm.

"Ready to go?" She questioned I nodded "See you guys back at the lab" she directed towards Delko and Calleigh before she began walking to the exit.

Before leaving I steal one more look at the couple and couldn't help myself from saying "I hope you two are happy." I said trying to smile.

Calleigh's head finally whipped up at me and it looked like she was shocked with her mouth slightly gaping and eyes filled with an emotion I couldn't quite pin point.

Delko grinned even wider and replied "Happy doesn't even begin to describe it Ryan. Thanks again." I nodded and cast a look at Calleigh whose eyes haven't left me since my last comment before turning around and walking out. She must have misinterpreted what I said and thought I meant it as sarcastic remark. But that was far from true. I want them to be happy. Both of them. Honestly.

I just wish they were happy with different people.

Honestly.

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**I don't know how I feel about this chapter. But hopefully it was okay. Give me your thoughts! I didn't plan on making a fiction this long but it seem to take a life of its own and now I have lots and lots of idea of where this story is headed.**

**Like I said in the beginning though. I think I may get another chapter out by next Tuesday. **

**Thanks you for reading guys. There's be more soon!=O**


	5. Riddance

**Disclaimer- Nothing belongs to me**

**A/N-Oh wow. I am completely, sincerely sorry for not updating for forever.****Once again school has taken over my life and it's not even over yet. I have mid terms next week and haven't even started studying.**

**Well enough with my babbling here is chapter 5.**

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"Ryan..."

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about!" I say exasperated. The second I open the door to my hummer I immediately wanted to slam it shut and get as far away from it as possible. The reason? None other than Miss Boa Vista. She had unhesitatingly fired questions at me and hasn't since stopped.

At the moment we were currently in rush hour traffic with me repeatedly banging my head against the steering wheel. I didn't think that was a smart move considering how now I had a lump on my forehead.

Natalia fully turned her body towards unbuckling her seatbelt to become more comfortable. "You know exactly what I'm talking about Ryan." She said serious.

"No" _Bang _"I" _bang _"don't" _beeeep_ I smashed my head on the steering wheel with each word, trying to punctuate that I didn't want to start talking about it.

"Ryan" I still kept my head against the car's horn, not looking up. "Ryan" She tried again. I left my head against the horn hoping she really got the message.

Sighing, she gently lifted my head from the steering wheel and put my head against the headrest effectively stopping the annoying horn. "Fine, if you're not going to tell me what that was about then I'm going to tell you what I think it was about." She huffed. She got the message alright. Just the wrong one.

I ignore her once again and begin moving the hummer only to stop 10 metres from my last stationary spot before traffic interrupted. I let out a noise similar to an animal being tortured. Which was how I felt like at the moment.

I heard an intake of breath and I knew she was going to start babbling. "I think you have feelings for Calleigh."

I always took Natalia as a person to explain something thoroughly and slowly. She never left out any detail of any kind when she was explaining evidence of sorts. So when she said something so true and revealing- and so bluntly said it- I had every reason to have my eyes popping out of my sockets and my mouth hanging on the ground.

Trying to get over my shock, I quickly try to regain my composure. "Yeah I do have feelings for her. I wouldn't want her or you or any of the team to get hurt." I tried to direct this conversation in another direction.

I heard her let out a frustrated breath before speaking again. "You know that's not what I mean Ryan." She didn't even look tired of pulling the truth out of me. She just looked at me in pity.

Knowing I had no way out of this I decide to speak the truth for once. "I may have...some...uh...feeling for...um...her." I say suddenly embarrassed. Luckily traffic was moving and I had a reason to not look at her unless she wanted an accident.

Slowly, a smile graced her face and clapped her hands excitedly. "I knew it!" she said as she let herself lean back against the seat.

I looked over at her shocked. "What?" I asked genuinely confused. What the hell does she mean 'I knew it'? Was it that obvious that I showed too much emotion towards Calleigh without even knowing it?

She once again turned her face with a 'Are you kidding me' look. At my blank look she sighed and explained. "Ryan, It pretty obvious. I've seen you stare at her like she was sweet candy." Come to think of it I did kind of stare at her a lot. But who wouldn't? It was Calleigh Duquesne! You had to be blind or gay not to stare at her beautiful face or gorgeous body. "And it's obvious that you're in love with her." She finished softly like it was a delicate subject.

There was no use trying to deny anything anymore. Natalia and I had become really good friends. Sure we went out but we both knew it was just to get back at Eric. But, now she was the one person I could really talk to about anything.

I let out a breath, readying myself to admit this for the first time ever and not to anyone but also to myself. "Yeah, I think I do love her." I say surprised at how easily I said it.

She put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently silently telling me that she was there if I ever needed someone.

It was quiet the rest of the ride.

--

_Only two more hours _I thought to myself. I was never one to ponder how many long I had left on my shift, but today I was itching to get out of the lab. To think I woke up hours earlier before my shift all excited to get back to work. This was working technically, just the bull crap work.

I lift up another plastic container filled with files, grimacing a little as a little pain went up my shoulder. Carefully I put it onto the shelves and take a seat at the stool.

Everyone had been called down to a crime scene and here I was stuck in the file storage. It wasn't like I minded doing the occasional paperwork when it was necessary but that was only when I was at the crime scene myself and I knew what exactly happened. Otherwise I just felt completely lost.

I close my eyes willing the slight headache to go away. This always happened when I thought too much. Even before my little incident. Remembering I had brought some medication, I stand up stretching my body grimacing a little as my joints made an audio pop before looking around for my jacket.

I frown as I remember that I had left my jacket back in the break room. I crack the rest of my stiff muscles and proceed to the room where everyone spent just relaxing, not having to worry about any current cases, but instead talking about life outside of the lab.

Turning a corner, the room came into my vision. To my surprise I see that I'm not the only one in the room. Calleigh of all people was currently sitting at one of the rounded tables with an open folder in front of her and an apple with a bite or two taken out of it, obviously forgotten by her side.

I turn halfway back towards the door wanting to get out of there as quick as possible, but I don't. I can't go around avoiding her at any cost. No, I had to be an adult about this....Plus I really can't stand this prolonged headache of mine anymore. Besides it doesn't look like she even noticed me coming in. All I need to do is creep along the wall, not make any sudden movements and-

I close my eyes and mentally shoot myself for making my presence known as the doors behind me slam shut. I see Calleigh's head snap up at the sudden disturbance and her eyes widen as she realizes that it was me that came in. Not really knowing where we stand at this point, and feeling like an idiot for creeping along the wall like a robber, I mutter a short 'Hey' before forgetting about getting my meds ninja style and just walking over to where my jacket laid strewn across the arm of the plush leather couch.

I can feel her eyes on me as I unzip pockets of my jacket, searching for my pills. Her pen is laid on her paperwork forgotten about and her hands are clasped together taking sudden interest in me. I shift uncomfortably under her curious look and catching her off guard I gaze right back at her. Her eyes widen, and a dark blush reaches her cheeks, as she get caught staring. She quickly adverts her eyes back to her work and fumbles her pen in her hand thus successfully knocking her apple off the table and onto the floor where it rolls to a stop at my feet.

I look down at it confused. I think about leaving it there, pretending that I haven't notice and going about my jacket. But I didn't want to continue being this awkward around her. So instead I slide the jacket under an arm, pick up her freshly cleaned apple, walk the five feet that is separating us, and gently place it beside her paperwork.

She offers a quick thanks for the gesture and goes back to her crime report, apparently wanting to indulge herself in any activity that would provide a distraction from me. I almost smile as I see her eyes squint as she reads the fine print, or how she gently nibbles on her bottom plump lip as she scribbles out a sentence. I sigh and shake my head as I walk back taking a seat on the couch. I resume my little lost and search game and let out a breath as I finally find it within one of the jacket's many pockets. Taking the bottle out, neatly folding my jacket and placing it over the back of the couch, I turn my attention to the cap on the bottle concealing the pills.

Twisting and pulling as I might, the damn bottle cap wouldn't come off. Feeling frustration building up in my chest I take a deep breath and read the instructions. _Push onto cap and twist_ I push down on it _hard_ and twist with all my might.

"Motherfuc-"I stop myself from using any profanity as there is a woman in room with me. But I still feel the urge to let out a few small curses under my breath as I bend down onto all fours to look for all the pills that sprang out of the bottle.

I see a pair of black heels in front of me as I pick up a few white pills. Suddenly I see Calleigh on the floor as well, gathering a few dozen pieces of white into one of her hands.

"It's okay. I got it." I say feeling embarrassed that I committed such a mistake in front of her.

"No, It's fine. It'll only take a few minutes." She says a little....shakily? I shrug it off blaming it on the tingling sensation as our hands reach for the same pill and gently brush.

Once all the pills were safety in the container she pushes off of the ground and brushes off her knee high skirt, I carefully take two out and take a Styrofoam cup strolling over to the water cooler. I push it once, twice, thrice but no liquid comes out. I furrow my eyebrows and look up into the water container. It was empty.

"The water boy hasn't come in yet to replace it." She explains from behind me. "Um I got some water uh if you want." I turn my head sideways as she pulls out a bottle of water from her bag. I stare at her outstretched hand, to her face, back to her outstretched hand. Breaking out of my trance I wander to her and take the slightly cool bottle in my hand before twisting the cap off, throwing the pills into my mouth and taking a large swig. I remove the tip of the bottle from my lips, twist the cap back on and hand it back to her.

She takes the bottle back in her hand absently putting it beside her on the table. "Thank you." I say. She doesn't say anything back instead she keeps eye contact between us. I quickly gaze towards to the door and swiftly move towards it.

Back in the safety of my own space I let out a deep long breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. _What the hell was that?_ I knew things would not be the same between us but this was just far beyond my imagination. I mean what was with the staring? There was something in her eyes that was...never seen before at least not by me. I thought I had the lab to myself, Calleigh was supposed to be at the crime scene not in the break room. Maybe she just stayed behind to complete those dreaded paperwork.

This was the most we have said to each other since our little blowout in the locker room. How sad was that? We barely had a conversation in there. A few polite gestures and a helping hand. Nothing more. I guess this was best, me and her saying nothing more than necessary. It would only complicate things and not to mention deepen my buried feelings that I manage to control when I was around her. If I wanted to be rid of these feelings I had to be rid of being her friend as well because that would never work. I know that I would start letting my defences down and then I would probably make a stupid move on her and freak the hell out of her. Nope, I knew myself and I knew that I would fall back into my horrid cycle and that was not a choice anymore. I need to be content. I need to let go.

--

"Tomorrow you'll actually be out in the field again." Alex smiled.

"Yeah, it's going to nice to get back." I cracked a grin.

My shift was coming to an end and I couldn't be happier. I loved working here, but come on _organizing_ _files_? I needed to get home and rest. I didn't know why I was so exhausted, but I guess I haven't gotten use to working an 8 hour shift after being off for over a month.

After saying our goodbyes I head downstairs to the locker room whistling as I walked along. It was a successful first day back. In the back of my mind I had the fear that things would be like when I first joined the team. The team giving me harsh looks for not telling them, excluding me from any lab experiment because they thought I wasn't well enough. But things were the exact opposite. For that I was really grateful.

I give a little extra hop as I make it down the last stair and proceed, pushing onto the double doors and into the locker room. As I am almost done preparing myself for the chilly evening, I hear a door open and then close. Once _again_ Calleigh emerges.

I acknowledge her shortly before turning to put my head back inside my locker. I hear nothing but an uncomfortable silence and I know she is staring at me again even though the open locker door prevents me from seeing her. Her heels are clicking against the concrete floor and I sense her presence directly behind me as her locker is adjacent to mine. I swiftly unhook my jacket off its hook and pull it over my shoulders, searching for anymore belongings I might need and finding none, I close the metal door gently, hook the lock in place and click it lock.

I skim my fingers across the row of lockers as I gingerly walk down the aisle. The sound of a closing locker speeds up my walk to a speed walk. The clicking of heels speeds up my speed walk into a slight jog. I felt silly, I was like the prey and Calleigh, the hunter was ever so close to catching me.

"Ryan?" I hear a slightly shaky feminine voice behind me. I freeze, my hand on one of the cold lockers keeping me balanced.

I turn my rigid body stiffly to face her. I catch my breath when I see her beautiful eyes glistening with unshed tears. I honestly did not know what to do. I have never ever seen Calleigh Duquesne cry and I wasn't going to let her do that now.

I promptly make my way in front of her, careful to keep a good two feet between us. "What's wrong?" I question, trying to catch her eye. I hear her take several deep breaths, and her hands twist around her sweater until her knuckles turn white before she finally speaks.

"I-I..." That's all she gets out before a deep voice is heard booming against the walls.

"Calleigh? You in here Calleigh?" Delko's voice makes his presence known. While she attempts to clear any evidence of any possible tears, I blow out a slow breath and alertly step away.

"I'm at my locker Eric." She says with a little frustration and a hint of...anger? Why would she be angry? Maybe she was going to tell me something really important and didn't appreciate being interrupted. I mentally shake my head at the outrageous thought.

"Hey babe." He leans in for a kiss, but seems to notice me at the last moment and he quickly pulls back, rubbing the back of his neck nervously even though he knows that I know. "Oh hey there Wolfe." He uses this tone when he talks to me that makes me want to shove my foot up his ass, not that I would ever have a plausible reason to.

I give a quick greeting and I see him lean down to whisper in her ear, but she doesn't look like she's listening because her eyes are focused on mine.

I give a sad little smile and a short nod before turning around and walking out the doors.

--

As I'm driving through downtown Miami, I figure out that was my way of saying goodbye. At the moment I felt blank. I finally let go of a hopeless dream, giving me the freedom and liberty of being myself. But this made me realized that everything you hope for may never come true.

I come to sit at the deserted Miami Beach, unknowingly picking up sand and letting it slide through my fingers. I lay flat on my back, feeling slightly in discomfort as little ridges of sand poke at my back before melding into my frame.

I let out a relaxing breath and listen to the cars zooming back and forth.

At last I'm done.

* * *

**Hopefully I haven't lost my writing touch? hmm? I will be starting on the next chapter soon enough and will try to get it out ASAP. Stay tuned!**


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